Today, we received some information that was very unexpected with regards to a government refund we are supposed to be getting from the Dept. of Housing and Urban Development (HUD). We had originally sent in the paperwork about three years ago for this refund. As of November of 2007, we still had not received it. I contacted them and they did not have record of the paperwork we had submitted two years prior. I resubmitted the paperwork and for the next nine months was told by them that it was being processed, then had been processed, and that a check should be 'mailing out anytime.' Well, as of August of this year, still no payment and the person (Dorothy) I had been talking to, was no longer with the department.
On 8/15, we discovered that the form we had submitted was missing the notary seal and we were given a new form to have signed and notarized. We did so and faxed the document back in. I received confirmation that they got the form and was told it would be within three to four weeks before a check was sent out.
As of two weeks ago, I called and was told that it had been processed and approved and we should be receiving a check within a week. As of today (9/23), no check.
I called their department this morning to give them one last shot before I took the issue to the director. The woman I talked to said that they did not have any record of our paperwork. At the same time I had called, my wife had called to find out what was going on as well.
Do you see the dilemma, yet?
I had been telling my wife the information that I was getting from HUD. As far as she and I knew, everything was hunky dory and we were just waiting on a check. Then on the same day, at nearly the same time, we got the news that the department had nothing.
Now where do you think my wife went with the situation? Exactly the place anyone in her position would go: that I was lying about it among other things and I had not changed my ways.
I am the first to admit, my track record sucks eggs. I spent 2-3 years of our marriage hiding the most piddly of things from her (there was big stuff, too... but if you have read through this blog, you know what I mean). I would assume the exact same thing if I were her.
My first response is to get frustrated. From my perspective, I have put the old me behind me. I'm not that person anymore and have nothing to hide from my wife. I expressed that frustration with her over the phone. Then, in a moment of grace and clarity, I remembered one simple thing: I am in charge of me--that is all. I know where I stand in all of this. I know what is true and what is not. I must hold to the truth and allow my wife to work through this on her own. I must treat her with love and grace and allow her the time and emotion necessary to come to trust me.
My wife said it best last night
This all happened slowly and over time, not overnight. I found out about all of this overnight.
I need to have the grace to let things sink in and simply treat her with love and respect along the way. God will handle the rest.
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