As usual... there are good days and there are bad days. I have had to learn some things along the way, however. For me, this process began with me opening up to my wife about what I had done. It took a couple days to sort it all out and get it all out on the table but it started with that. In doing that, the burden that I had weighing on me for so long was lifted. It was so freeing! "The truth shall set you free!" such a true statement.
Now the other side of the coin--my wife had all of this dumped on her. My burden lifted became her burden gained. Now I know that God has forgiven me for what I did, as horrible and awful as it was. I know it is in the past and I need to focus on God's will and what He wants me to do each day. Knowing that, my tendency when things get difficult between my wife and I is to say, "It's in the past. Let's move on." The problem with that is that I am expecting my wife to move on at a different rate than she is ready for.
The last time this happened, I got angry. Really angry. Anyone who has been really angry knows that you when you are trying to say one thing, the words that come out of your mouth in anger do not convey what you really mean. She was upset at the burden I had placed on her with all of this. I meant to tell her that if she would just focus on the kids during the day, we could get through the burden together at night. That's not what came out of my mouth. What came out was:
Why don't you do your job and be a mom during the day?!
Her face crumbled and I could see that I had completely broke her. She looked me deep in the eyes and told me I had no right to tell her such a thing and that she was done... as in done with us. I instantly felt shame and sorrow over the words that exited my mouth.
My wife is probably the best mother I have ever seen. She has sacrificed more for our kids than I think I will ever fully know. She spends each day with them, feeding them, playing with them, and loving on them when she could be out seeking a career (she's a very talented marketing professional). She sacrificed her dream career in order to be there for our kids. On top of all of that, she is there for me when I need her, through good and bad.
I still, to this day, cannot believe those words came out of my mouth. I have apologized so many times for that and I know she has forgiven me but I still feel a lot of shame for disrespecting her in that way, intentional or otherwise.
Since then, I have learned to be sensitive to the fact that while she has forgiven me, she has a lot on her plate and needs time to reconcile all of this with herself. In the mean time, all I can do is love her, support her, and pray for her. God will work out the rest.
Honey, if you are reading this, know that I think you are the most amazing thing that has ever happened or ever will happen to me. I am so blessed to be spending my life with you and look forward to continuing to grow in Christ with you.
I love you.
1 comments:
I try not to say anything to her when I am angry. I have been there. But my current wife is much more understanding and forgiving than my first wife, so I am not too worried about what comes out of my mouth...but perhaps I should exercise a bit more care.
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