Stupid Decisions and Forgotten Demons

Another demon from the past has come to haunt us today. One that I had completely forgotten about until today.

Nearly 4 weeks ago, accounts were overdrawn and bills were on the way. I had a bunch of transactions that were going to go through causing a huge amount of overdraft fees and I was desperate to prevent them. Rather than tell my wife what was going on, I, again, relied on myself and not God and did something I know more than better not to do. Something that I thought I would never do.

I took out a Payday Loan. $745 in a payday loan to the tune of 430% annual interest payable in full on August 5, 2008. Yes. 430%. That means that the loan cost me an additional $122 in fees. I had the option to renew the loan up to three times but I have to pay the $122 each time to do so.

On the one hand I'm glad that I suddenly remembered and was able to hold it off until the 18th now but we didn't need that additional strain on our debt and our current position.

God has shown us to many amazing miracles already and I know He is faithful and will help us figure this out but I have put my wife, once again, back into a place where she feels she cannot trust me on anything.

Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

Honey, if you read this, I am sorry. Please forgive me and know that when I say everything is out on the table now, it truly is. I have completely opened myself to you and there are no more secrets and will be no more secrets. I love you and I love our kids and our family and what God has given us. Please, let's get through this together and become stronger than we ever were before. I know this has been hard on you and I know you don't deserve this. I pray to God every day that He help us through this and I know that He will--He has already done so much.

You don't need to sell your things to fix my mess. I will sell everything I have if that it what it takes. On the trust side, I will do everything I can within God's good grace and mercy to prove to you that I am worthy of your love and trust. I am so sorry for the hurt, pain, and hardship I have brought to our household, our family's households, and our marriage. Please forgive me.

I love you.